Monday, December 27, 2004

Greatest Hurts

"I feel like you know me well. I’ve tried to let you see me for yourself. I feel like I’m…I’m out of my head, I’ve got this thing for you.I like your face I like your body,like your feet, I like your nose,I like your chest beneath the covers,like your heart, I like your soul.I like your life inside me pounding like a heart inside a dream.Inside a dreamer that’s been dreaming of a perfect symphony.I like the way you walk beside me like a paper in the wind.The way you swing your arms so gladly.Where you end and I begin..I like everything,about you.

Put a chair against the door and turn the lights down low. Write a letter to yourself no one will ever know. Tell them all about the girl who just refused to fall.Oh my Lord.He is the very breath you feel inside your lungs at night. He is the bitter wind who’s drying up your appetite.He is the darkness that seeps into your fading light.

No I will not lay down.I will not live my life like a ghost in this town.I am not lonely.Swear to God, I’m just alone.I’m back on my feet.I can just close my eyes and forget everything.My house is empty, every memory blown away.Oh the sound of the wind through my bones,makes me laugh at all the bodies I kissed and never knew.Oh the sound of a lovers sympathy falling down to the floor,just barely out of reach from me.No I will not go back,every word that’s been hiding inside of my head is running blindly,look behind me nothing’s left.I can sit in a room, I can hear myself breathing and be quite amused. My life is simple like the wrinkles on my skin.

I’ve never seen this kind of love.The kind that won’t wash away and then leave you in the dark.I would die for you.I’ve never kissed a sweeter mouth,I’ve never been swept away,It’s what dreams are made up of,don’t you know I could not survive,without you in my life.I would die for you.I’ve never seen this kind of love,the kind that won’t slip away,Yes I’m soaring through your heart,don’t you know I could not survive,without you in my life.I would die for you.

Lived a good life,lived a sweet life.Oh, I’ve had the sun on my face, I have fallen to my knees and been amazed.I have walked beneath the brilliance of a perfect sky.Oh I am saved.I believe I am not going to be like I was, I have changed,I am saved.I have bitten off the pieces that I did not want,I have torn them into tiny bits of rain,Oh the sun has dried those memories like I knew it would.Oh I am saved..saved.

How do you cool your lips after a summer’s kiss? How do you rid the sweat after the body bliss? How do you turn your eyes from the romantic glare? How do you block the sound of a voice you’d know anywhere? Oh I really should have known,by the time you drove me home,by the vagueness in your eyes,your casual goodbyes,by the chill in your embrace,the expression on your face,that told me..maybe you might have some advice to give on how to be..insensitive.How do you numb your skin after the warmest touch? How do you slow your blood after the body rush? How do you free your soul after you’ve found a friend? How do you teach your heart it’s a crime to fall in love again? Oh you probably don’t remember me,it’s probably ancient history.I’m one of the chosen few who went ahead and fell for you. I’m out of vogue, I’m out of touch.I fell too fast, I feel too much.I thought that you might have some advice to give on how to be..Insensitive.


Four billion people surround us,so many souls lose their way. All that we have is each other and that’s all I’ve ever wanted.…Don’t you think it’s funny.Tell me what the point is.We could die tomorrow.Might as well enjoy this.

Will you remember me when I’m gone.Will you remember me at all.I tried to be kind, I tried to be good,will you remember me.God only knows why we try and fail.Is this heaven on earth orthe fires of hell.I tried to be honest, it’s hard not to lie.Will you remember me after I die.I don’t need to tell you that I’m afraid cause I’ll be paying for all the mistakes I’ve made.I tried to be thoughtful,it’s hard not to be blind.Will you remember me after I’m gone.

I’ve been on my hands and knees, crawling towards eternity,looking for the piece of me that always got away.And I’ve been so afraid to stand my ground,so I simply shut my mouth,close my eyes,bite my lip and swallow every tear.I can’t do anything,I don’t believe in anyone,I just feel sorry for myself all day long.All day long.Look inside my body baby,see the twists and turns inside me,every blinding curve that drives you right around the bend.I know you’ve had it up to there with all my chaos and confusion.I am living a delusion and I do not give a damn.Look into my heart and tell me I am a complete disaster,wasn’t that what you were after,always thought it was.Wasn’t I complete desire,filthy ash without the fire,you could not have been much higher without some kind of drug.

There will be no consolation prize,this time the bone is broken clean.No baptism, no reprise and no sweet taste of victory.All the stars have fallen from the sky and everything else in between,satellites have closed their eyes, the moon has gone to sleep.Here I am inside a hotel,choking on a million words I said.Cigarettes have burned a hole and dreams are drunk and penniless.Here I am inside my father’s arms,all jagged bone and whisky dry,whisper to me sweetly now and tell me I will never die.Hoping that the kindness will lead us past the blindness and not another living soul will ever have to feel..Unloved.

Cardboard masks of all the people I’ve been.Thrown out with all the rusted, tangled, dented God Damned miseries.You could say I’m hard to hold but if you knew me you’d know I’ve got a good father and his strength is what makes me cry.Feet on ground.Heart in hand.Facing forward.Be yourself. I’ve never wanted anything,no I’ve never wanted anything so bad…so bad.

What I am is too far in and can’t be found"





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