voices

sometimes i think that if i just dont speak, if i just sit and listen and never talk then i will be happier. If i dont talk, there wont be any fights, I wont be judged by what i say, i wont have to be someone im not. i would just be existant in pressence, i would not speak. it would make so many peoples lives easier. if i didnt speak..noone would know about the anger and jelousy inside of me. im jelous. im so jelous. I feel like ive lost my place..and im upset that YOU took it. why did u have to do that to me. I know u did it inententionaly. but it hurt me. and im afraid to be judged by what i say. you WILL judge me. you cause me so much pain. but accually..maybe its not you..its me. if i didnt think so much, and if i didnt think that everyone was agaisnt me then maybe i wouldnt be in these situations. I dont think i trust you... i dont trust ither of you. i wish i could. you dont trust me ither. there just so much that can not be forgotten. I know im making a big deal over this. but i want my place back...I want to be loved unconditionnally. no strings attached. if i fuck up, if i make a mistake, i want someone to still be there for me. thats what i want. and that is 2 much to ask for. but thats what i need. I need something stable. i just want to be loved.