i dont know what im doing here or how to get out
yeah so here i am again..sitting here, contemplating wether or not i should start writing in this again.
i still dont know what im doing
i feel lost. and i realized last night that i have to change. i need to be a better person to myself and to others. no more talking about people and spreading rumours..its over. everything i need to say but cant out in the open will be said in here.
some people might think this is a bad habbit but i dont know how it can be so bad. everyone has a journal right?
s and c had sex. wow how that must screw up their lives. and now everyone is going to know about it. s told kd. kd told jc. and then jc told cc and then she told me. i feel bad for her. s that is. even though we dont talk anymore..and she practialy hates me. i feel bad for her. she loves c. she LOVES him. she always has. when we were friends i knew it. but i never thought they would get involved with each other. c probabaly told her that she cant tell anyone...do you know how many people would have something to say about this. i feel so bad for her. it makes me cry. and i cant stop crying lately. im just an emotional wreck. keeping their relationship a secret...i dont know how they do it. they made a deal that they would only fool around with each other and no one else. and now its going around because she told someone that was untrust worthy.. i wonder if i had still been her best friend if she would have told me...and i wouldnt have told...or maybe i would have..it all depends..i wonder how my life would be right now. or hers.
this is all just too much for me
all the lies and all the betrayal
c is dissappointed in me. i cant go to sji tonight. cuz my mom wont dirve me both ways and id ont want to stay the night at c's but that wont help anything anyways. its a lose lose situation...k is still mad at me. for singing in g and a to the dance.
oh how things change and you cant stop them
i want to fast forward into the future..i want to fall asleep and wake up when i have a career and a family..and someone that loves me.
im done pretending to be something im not. im not that fucked up. im really not. im just stupid and i cant get over things that hurt me in the past.
me and k have been together for over 4 months. i dont love him
not that im sopposed to
he makes me so mad
i always think about how im gonan breka it off with him
and when i will
i cant handle the stress of this relationship
i cant stand it anymore. i cant stand any of this anymore.
i still dont know what im doing
i feel lost. and i realized last night that i have to change. i need to be a better person to myself and to others. no more talking about people and spreading rumours..its over. everything i need to say but cant out in the open will be said in here.
some people might think this is a bad habbit but i dont know how it can be so bad. everyone has a journal right?
s and c had sex. wow how that must screw up their lives. and now everyone is going to know about it. s told kd. kd told jc. and then jc told cc and then she told me. i feel bad for her. s that is. even though we dont talk anymore..and she practialy hates me. i feel bad for her. she loves c. she LOVES him. she always has. when we were friends i knew it. but i never thought they would get involved with each other. c probabaly told her that she cant tell anyone...do you know how many people would have something to say about this. i feel so bad for her. it makes me cry. and i cant stop crying lately. im just an emotional wreck. keeping their relationship a secret...i dont know how they do it. they made a deal that they would only fool around with each other and no one else. and now its going around because she told someone that was untrust worthy.. i wonder if i had still been her best friend if she would have told me...and i wouldnt have told...or maybe i would have..it all depends..i wonder how my life would be right now. or hers.
this is all just too much for me
all the lies and all the betrayal
c is dissappointed in me. i cant go to sji tonight. cuz my mom wont dirve me both ways and id ont want to stay the night at c's but that wont help anything anyways. its a lose lose situation...k is still mad at me. for singing in g and a to the dance.
oh how things change and you cant stop them
i want to fast forward into the future..i want to fall asleep and wake up when i have a career and a family..and someone that loves me.
im done pretending to be something im not. im not that fucked up. im really not. im just stupid and i cant get over things that hurt me in the past.
me and k have been together for over 4 months. i dont love him
not that im sopposed to
he makes me so mad
i always think about how im gonan breka it off with him
and when i will
i cant handle the stress of this relationship
i cant stand it anymore. i cant stand any of this anymore.
posted by .M i k a l a h. at 2:58 PM
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