I was definately on crack

These were written on my other site when I was retarded and fucked up....im such
an idiot..but yeah I had to post them so that they just dont get erased.

This Pain is Just to Real
There are so many feelings..flooding my head; aching to be let out and revealed to the world..I can no longer fight this thrusting madness..I cant fight the tears..I cant pretend im ok..some things just cannot be decived with laughter. There is just too much pain. The anger; rushing through my veins..turns to sadness in the depths of my heart. I feel so betrayed, useless; wondering what would be. I cant trust you. I can no longer hide it. Its like an open wound; You cut me deep. Deeper than ever before. I just want this pain to heal..to just go away..to be out of my mind. But, even then..there is still a scar; A scar I wont forget.
I hate you for making me hurt.

What Ive Learned
Through out this experience I've learned a lot about life. I never knew what I had..I never knew how many things were important in my life;I've never appriciated what I was given.. When I was torn and broken; thinking tomorrow would never come, my true friends were there, like they always will be. That's what I've learned.
I've learned that time can heal anything;wound;sore;or broken heart..It may bleed and throb at first...but if you dont pick the scab..it will heal over. It may leave a scar,a bruise or a lump; but the open wound is saved from the bitter salt.
I've learned that you have to live each day to the fullest. You'll never know when something might come your way. But,you have to be ready for it. Seize each second and never forget the happiness you've experienced.
I've learned that friendship is the most important thing in life. No one is ever your best friend. A best friend is just a name for people you try so hard to keep around. You cant make people stay if they are trying to get away. The people you will never forget are your True friends. True Friends are hard to come across, But when you find a true friend, Cherish them forever; Dont let anyone take them from you;But dont hold them too close ither. Meet new people. Let them take you along for the time of your life. Dont waste oppertunitys.
I've learned that everything really does happen for a reason. Something good can come out of every bad situation. Even your in worst and most devestating times..you will see the light.
I've learned that you dont have to try and impress people. Just be yourself and everything will become clear.
I've learned that every struggle; every obstacle you have to over come..makes you an internaly stronger person
But most of all what I've learned about life is that everyone has their greater moments and their lesser moments..but you have to take them as they come; no regrets.

Maybe
My life is crumbling before my eyes and I'm afraid to stop it. Everything is a competition. The world shuns me out to make me feel like I'm nothing; I'm not good enough. I try to be nice and play along. I just cant take it anymore. I have to be the 3rd wheel, the one left out. Just because I cant win the race. My life is a competition. I loose the one thing I cherish most in this world; and then the next is taken away from me. Why can't this all stop. Why is the world against me. It feels as though I have to be the best to be happy. To be happy I have to win the race; I have to be the first in line. I have to dimolish the enemy. I have to snatch them before someone else. Why cant they want to be in my line! Why dont they care! They don't care how it makes me feel. They don't care that my life is crumbling. They dont care that I'm falling apart. I dont know how much more of this I can take. I wonder how they would deal with it if it was them. Not even an explination. No apologys. Am I wrong to feel this anger? Am I wrong to feel hurt? Maybe thats what got me in this situation in the first place; I was just too mad. I was just to angry. Maybe I'm just..Maybe I'm mad at myslef?

Fuck you
Dont you know what your doing to me? If you think its funny, if you think its a joke..your wrong. its not funny. you hurt me. you use me. you play me for a fool. all i want is a friend. and if you cant see that then fuck you. i need to move away. i need to get out of here. I cant go on living like this. YOU USE ME! YOU TOOK EVERYTHING I HAD AND RIPPED IT AWAY! why the hell cant you see that i cant handle this? not right now. not when im trying to get over the loss of my best friend. all i need now is a friend. AND YOU'RE NOT THERE FOR ME!!! I thought we were best friends. I thought we were inseprable. I guess not.the competition is over, if i win i still loose, theres no race. i guess the world is just playing me. fuck you.

Alone
I am alone. There is nothing left but numbness and tears. I am alone. My biggest fear has takein over me. I am Alone. I keep my mind occupied. I find myslef slipping away; Feeling alone. When I am in a crowd of people, I am alone. When I am with the friends I have left. I am alone. The part of me that loved to have fun, the part of me that loved life and loved each day...has been burried under pain and sorrow. I dont how to retreve it. I've spent too many days in solitude, trying to find myslef. The only part of myslef I cared for is gone. Witch is why..I am Alone.