live for the moment
" heaven's not a place where you go when you die, its that moment in life when you acually feel alive"
i dont feel alive. i havent. not lately.
its that same thing that keeps holding me back. i can be fun. smiling, laughing, joking. but only with the right people. accualy in this case, anyone.
i have no friends. my life consists of hanging out with J. my only friend. the one and only.
and she has her bf and work. so between that i hang out with her about 3 times a week. even if that much. i dont really know. the weeks seem to go by. and i cant remeber what day it is. i never know.
its pretty sad how my life became this. two summers ago i was never home. i came home at 11 every night to sleep and i was up again the next day and out the door. looking back, i never knew how lucky i was.
and now, i wake up watch tv. do some random chores. watch tv. sit in front of this mother fucking computer screen watch more tv. shower maybe..eat supper with the fam. and when the ngight comes around. it hurts even more.
now dont get me wrong, i have other friends. but i would like to consider them aquantices accually. no one that i would ever call up and see what their up to. i want to move or something. but that would be even worse. to move and then try to make friends. maybe if i wasnt so hated people would want to talk to me.
it seems to be the story of my life lately.
i keep saying the same things in here, over and over again. but thats really all i have to rant about. besides the fact that im a bitch. to everyone and anyone. and im getting fat!! becaue i dont do anything with myself. i quit sb. so now theres nothing. i gained like 4 pounds. but it feels like more. probably cuz fat doesnt weigh as much as muscle. so i dont feel all the fat growing from my ass.
and i feel like no one understands me. i want a car. so i can just drive..far far away..into the sun..it would be a beautiful scene accually. but i want to drive and drive and as the sun sets..i slowly become weaker and die a peaceful death.
theres absolutely nothing awaiting me in life. nothing. i have nothing to live for. yes i will miss a few people if i went..but if i can stand to be alone for this long. i could handle it.
" and i wont be anyones excuse to cry "
well i want someone to cry.
i want someone to love me. as much as i loved you.
i dont feel alive. i havent. not lately.
its that same thing that keeps holding me back. i can be fun. smiling, laughing, joking. but only with the right people. accualy in this case, anyone.
i have no friends. my life consists of hanging out with J. my only friend. the one and only.
and she has her bf and work. so between that i hang out with her about 3 times a week. even if that much. i dont really know. the weeks seem to go by. and i cant remeber what day it is. i never know.
its pretty sad how my life became this. two summers ago i was never home. i came home at 11 every night to sleep and i was up again the next day and out the door. looking back, i never knew how lucky i was.
and now, i wake up watch tv. do some random chores. watch tv. sit in front of this mother fucking computer screen watch more tv. shower maybe..eat supper with the fam. and when the ngight comes around. it hurts even more.
now dont get me wrong, i have other friends. but i would like to consider them aquantices accually. no one that i would ever call up and see what their up to. i want to move or something. but that would be even worse. to move and then try to make friends. maybe if i wasnt so hated people would want to talk to me.
it seems to be the story of my life lately.
i keep saying the same things in here, over and over again. but thats really all i have to rant about. besides the fact that im a bitch. to everyone and anyone. and im getting fat!! becaue i dont do anything with myself. i quit sb. so now theres nothing. i gained like 4 pounds. but it feels like more. probably cuz fat doesnt weigh as much as muscle. so i dont feel all the fat growing from my ass.
and i feel like no one understands me. i want a car. so i can just drive..far far away..into the sun..it would be a beautiful scene accually. but i want to drive and drive and as the sun sets..i slowly become weaker and die a peaceful death.
theres absolutely nothing awaiting me in life. nothing. i have nothing to live for. yes i will miss a few people if i went..but if i can stand to be alone for this long. i could handle it.
" and i wont be anyones excuse to cry "
well i want someone to cry.
i want someone to love me. as much as i loved you.
posted by .M i k a l a h. at 10:43 PM
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