Still Closed

No, im not back, im still not going to post regularly..i was just reading through some of my old posts tonight..some which i had forgotten about..wow.. anyways it made me want to post since i have a lot of my mind.
and plus is summer now. i have no more exams.
IT HURTS TO BE HATED. it hurts. it hurts more then you'll ever understand. to have so many people hating you. or disliking you..it hurts. it just rips right through me. i kills me inside but outside i pretend i dont care, i pretend im strong and nothing bothers me. i hate HATEING people myself..i have a new people i hate. but i only hate them bcuz they talk about me behind my back or they have open hatred towards me. but it hurts me to hate other people. i wish people werent mean. i wish i wasnt mean. i was i was a better person. i wish noone hated me. and i want to talk to all the people that i didnt like in the past and make a mense with them. but they probably wouldnt go for it. since theres just so much we've been through. urrrgh i hate this. i want to break up with my boyfriend of like 3 months. i just dont like him hes an idiot., i cant fucking stand him anymoreeee..GOD it pisses me offfff! but i dont know how to break up with him and plus i cant bcuz of sara i need her to see me with him and i want her to think were happy together. and ill never see j this summer if im not with him so this is all fucked up shit, i dont know waht im gonan do with my life. i might as well just sleep everyday and make no friends. and graduatte and get a job and get a bunch of cats and live on my own. i wish i was a better person.
i really wish people didnt hate me.