Yay for OC night!

Wooo! The OC is on tonight im so pumped! just thinking about it gets me through the day. tonight is gonna be a good one too!;)
i havetnt done this in while eh? all ive been posting is lyrics and such! but yeah
today was a realllly long day. first period was hell but i sat with C so it was a pretty good time and then 2nd period biologyyy!! I HATE BIOLOGY!! im pretty sure its my teacher that is a queer cuz everyone else who took biology with the other teacher loved it. my teacher is new and doesnt know what the hell shes doing. 3 period was my favourite part of the day! i loooove it. it goes for a good time and then tofady was flip day so i had 5th which is english and that was boring cuz i cant sit with C anymore until monday cuz we got seperated..haha
then i had a math test and i think i did ok on it. i know i got the last question wrong tho...fucking bearings...they can go fuck themselves.
oooh heres some relationship news...J and W are hooking up so now me and K have ppl to hang out with!!! and my cousin and J are hooking up 2! its all a good time!
on another note
J and C are leaving on the 6th
fuckin whroes
ha jki
im a bitch
im not mad im just sad
and slightly pissed at C
just for being herslef
fuckers
ha
im sorry
im out! BRING ON THE OC BABY!
-xox<3

Every long lost road led me to where you are

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Bless the Broken Road- Rascal Flats

How do I change?
If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labour.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.

- Og Mandino, "“The Greatest Salesman in the World”"

"these words are my diary screaming outloud"

2am and she calls me cause
I'm still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake
I don't love him and winter just wasn't my season.
Yea we walk through the doors so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize
Hypocrites you're all here for the very same reason.

Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable and
life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button girl
So just cradle your head in your hands.

And breathe, just breathe,
whoa breathe just breathe

May he turned 21 on the base of Fort Bliss
Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist
Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year
Here in town you can tell he's been down for while
But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
Wanna hold him but maybe I'll just sing about it

Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button boys
so cradle your head in your hands

And breathe, just breathe,
whoa breath just breathe

There's a light at the end of this tunnel
you shout cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made
You'll just make them again if you'll only try turnin' around

2am and I'm still awake writing this song
If i get it all down on paper it's no lonnger
inside of me threaten' the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to.

But you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand...yeah breath Just breathe

Breathe- Anna Nalick

the need to scream

She stepped off the bus and slipped her numb hands into her pockets. She forgot her mittens at home that morning and now she missed them more than ever. She walked fast, as fast as she could, she wanted to get away from the cold...but mostly the world.
She had an eerie feeling in her stomache. A feeling that was aching to get out. It would creep up her chest and stay there and make her feel sick.
Today, she was re-introduced to a life she had not missed. It made her want cry. There was anger inside of her that she thought she had forgotten about. But today, she was reminded.
A living soul from her past un-burried this anger within her. She thought she was healed. She was very wrong.
She felt like nothing and she was ashamed of the person she had become.
With her hands in the pockets of her coat, she started to walk faster, almost in a run.
She needed to forget.
Home was becomming closer in view and she struggled through the ice and slush. She never thought she would be happy to see her home.
She felt the nervous feeling in her chest, now becomming stronger.
She ran up her back steps and slammed the door behind her.
It all came out.
She screamed to the top of her lungs, letting out her pain, her hate, her anger. She fell to her knees and cried like shes never cried before.
This was a bad day, things will get better...but the only person she was kidding was herself.

another bruise to try and hide, another aliby to write.

And she takes another step
Slowly she opens the door
Checks that he is sleeping
Picks up all the broken glass
and furniture on the floor
Been up half the night screaming
now it's time to get away
Pack up the kids in the car
Another bruise to try and hide
Another alibi to write

Another ditch in the road
You keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through

And there are children to think of
Baby's asleep in the backseat
Wonder how they'll ever make it
through this living nightmare
But the mind is an amazing thing
Full of candy dreams and new toys
and another cheap hotel
Two beds and a coffee machine
But there are groceries to buy
And she knows she'll have to go home

Another ditch in the road
You keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through

Another bruise to try and hide
Another alibi to write
Another lonely highway in the black of night
But there's hope in the darkness
You know you're going to make it

Another ditch in the road
Keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Silent fortress built to last
Wonder how I ever made it

-Two Beds and a Coffee Machine- Savage Garden

Love like that.

It was Saturday night and she was home alone. It was her choice of course. She liked being alone. The silence of it all gave her time to think. She didnt feel up to venturing into the world of socialization this evening. Her muscles ached. She was hung over from the night before and was going on 3 hours of sleep.
She sat in her favorite chair in front of the computer. In a way the chair was made for her. It was so worn that it had a perfect bend in the seat that fit her just right.
She flipped through her playlist to find a song. A song was what she needed.

Down to the earth I fell,with dripping wings.Heavy things won't fly.The sky might catch on fire and burn the axis of the world.That's why I prefer a sunless sky,to the glittering and stinging in my eyes.

The lyrics of the song caught her attention and she felt herself bring drawn in. The words were beautiful and she could almost feel the emotion in them.

Oh I feel so light. This is all I want to feel tonight. Oh I feel so alive. Tonight and the rest of my life.

In that one moment;she knew. It was as if she had finally been reached. She wanted love. She wanted to love and be loved in return. She wanted to experience the true happiness; the joy ; the passion. She wanted it all. It would become her dream. Her dream of love. She wanted to fall, be caught, and carried away. She wanted it more than anything. To find the right person. To be completely head over heels in love. She wanted to love to the tips of her fingers. This was her dream.

I open up my eyes,I realize that everything is shoreless sea.Weightlessness is passing over
me.Everything is waves and stars.The universe is resting in my arms.
I feel so light.This is all I want to feel tonight.
I feel so alive.Tonight and the rest of my life.

She sat home alone in her chair, being captivated by a song. She wondered if she would ever feel this way. Love. She would feel alive. She knew that one day..it would be her turn, and she would wait..

Tonight and the rest of her life.

whyyy

why do i alwas get annoyed with ppl..this coulda been the right one..but i cant take it anymore.....aahh fuckkkk
its over..and i dont like him..and i dont wanna hang out with him and i dont wanna see him again. trhis is stupid and i dont fucking care. all i wanna go is sleep and never wake up and never have to see his face again. hees a nice guy but hes not right for me. thats all i have to say

PS..i still cant get my the sidebar to work..ive tried getin whole new templates but they dont work ither...i might have to get a new blog...please help!!

Do you even know who you are?

I can remember the very first time I cried
How I wiped my eyes and buried the pain inside
All of my memories - good and bad - that's past
Didn't even take the time to realize

Starin' at the cracks in the walls
Cuz I'm waiting for it all to come to an end
Still I curl up right under the bed
Cuz its takin' over my head all over again

Do you even know who you are?
I guess I'm tryin' to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
I want to be a star
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?

Lyin' awake watchin' the sunlight
How the birds will sing
as I count the rings around my eyes
Constantly pushing the world I know aside
I don't even feel the pain,
I don't even want totry

I'm lookin' for a way to become
The person that I dreamt of when I was sixteen
Oh, nothin' is ever enough
Ooh, baby, it ain't enough for what it may seem

Do you even know who you are?
I'm still tryin' to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Everybody wants to be
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?

No Sorry girl, tell a tale for me
Cuz I'm wondering how you really feel
I'm a lonely girl, I'll tell a tale for you
Cuz I'm just tryin' to make all my dreams come true

Do you even know who you are?
Oh, yeah, yeah
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Oh, I wanted to be a star
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell, I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
I guess not, oh I guess not
Do you even know who you are?
Oh, I'm tryin' to find
A rising dream or a fallen star?
Oh, I have a all these dreams
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?

Lonely Girl by Pink

PS-- I dont know why the sidebar of my blog is all screwed up...? If anyone knows why its like that or how to fix it can you please comment cuz ive tried everything...

-xox<3

happy/mad/sad/jelous/annoyed/hurtAHHH

yeah so here I am! finally! I have so many mixed feelings going though my head right now and euuhhhhh i need to let it freeeee..I didnt really know how i was sopposed to say whats on my mind but i dont really care anymore so im just gonna type and type away and not care about any of the judgements i might get..but hardly anyone reads this anyways so im pretty much talking to myself.
first off...2nd semester is going pretty good. I love my art class. my old friend K is there and we are now talking about old times and laughing. it makes me feel a bit happier. although she probably says bad things about me behind my back...but i dont really care. i dont do it to her and i dont want to know what goes on behind the scenes with her..i dont need that on my mind.
me and K are becomming closer..i like him a lot. hes a really nice guy..but i dont know where i want to go with this relationship...i dont like hagning out with him at school. im a very weird person.. i have a big schedual with my day. i like to hang out with my girls at lunch..i dont need him following me to classes....although its cute and all and its a nice gesture..i dont really need it...lol..yeah but the dance is this friday and me and J are going to E's to get ready..and K is going to be there..so im prety sure if he doesnt mention it at the dance..im gonna ask him what were doing with this relationship and where were going with it bcuz i really dont know..
anways, the thing thats really getting me down cannot be put into words...ill try my best
your best friend invites you some where...you cant go, for reasons you cannot control bcuz its your parents fault..she inivtes her other friend...that has been competeing with you over your best friend. this person always wants to take your best friend away from you( not intentionally) and it makes you feel left out when they hang out. ive already posted about that before...
but anyways..so now this other friend is going to this place with your best friend and you feel left out bcuz you could have been the lucky one to share this experience with her but now you cant..bcuz of your fucking parents. this really makes me maaaad. my life is pretty much over bcuz..when they get back from where there going..they're gonna have pictures, memories, insiders..FOR LIFE..like this is a big deal, something they wont forget..and it could have been me that went..it could have been me..and its not. and i feel like im gonna lose my friend after they get back...i really have mixed emotions...i have a lot of anger in my system right now...im mad at my parents..i have a slight bit of anger towards "the other friend"..bcuz im jelous...im just jelous, thats all i can say. i dont really know exaclty why i have anger towards her. shes just so perfect...and she gets to be with my best friend........AHHHHHHH...it makeesss me mad. and at the same time im sad. bcuz i dont get to go..and im gonna lose my friend. what a life i have. a bunch of stupid little problems that no1 else would really care about. but i care. :(
and i want to be with K..and at the same time i dont. i like him out of school beter than in school...im so fucking unbalanced. i need to just crawl in a hole and die and never think again.
and now im leabing bcuz i dont want to think anymore
i analyse wayyy 2 much
-xox<3

"Did you lose yourself somewhere out there..did you get to be a star? Dont it make you sad to know that life, is more than who we are, we grew up way to fast and now theres nothing to believe, re-runs all become our history. A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio..And I wont tell no one your name"- Name by the Goo Goo Dolls

im alive..and i have a lot on my mind

just a little note to say im still alive. and i have a lot to say but i have no time to write. so for now i leave you with a small quote.
"Thoes who think sunshine brings happiness have never danced in the rain"- Anonymous

-xox <3

Uhoh....not another john mayer song!

I think...I really think ive fallen this time...aaaaahhhhh....:):):):):):):):).....THIS IS THE BEST SONG EVER..its the emotion im experiencing right now put togehter in song..wow...dont you just love music!...ESPECIALLY JOHN MAYERRRR!


I know you've been sworn
I read your complaint
you're needing someone older
and though i've been warned
to live day by day
there's something taken over

did you expect to kiss me one time
while lookin at me with the same eyes ever again
so come on and face it
so come on and face it
it's time that we say it

you can cross the line whenever you want to
i'm calling it love soon
close your mind and waste some time if you have to
i'm calling it love soon
it's not about you now, it's what we are

your mother complains that you need a man
you haven't mentioned me yet
and all of your friends
don't know who i am
i've been your best kept secret
i understand i wasn't part of the plan
a dollar short, a minute early
but i am your man
so come on and face it
so come on and face it
it's time that we say it

you can cross the line whenever you want to
i'm calling it love soon
close your mind and waste some time if you have to
i'm calling it love soon
it's not about you now, it's what we are
let's bypass the bullshit
and move on because the minute hand moves faster than you think it does
and by no fault of yours, and by no fault of mine
the bottom line is laying in the bed that we've been playing in tonight
we've been playing in tonight

i'm calling it love soon
i'm calling it love soon
you can cross the line whenever you want to
i'm calling it love soon
close your mind and waste some time if you have to
i'm calling it love soon
it's not about you now, it's what we are

Love Soon- JOHN MAYER!

Love Song For No One

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Get here

Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
oh no way

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I'm so tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me

- the one and only JOHN MAYER:)

Darkness

A teenage girl got out of the car, slammed the door, made her way down the driveway and walked up the back steps. The cold night air smelt crisp and sent chills up her spine. She fumbled through her purse looking for her key and then finally opened the door. She felt the warm, cozy air instantly hit her face as she walked into the place she called home.
She walked over to the table to set down her purse. The smell of a home cooked meal filled her senses, but the kitchen was clean. Dinner was done and had been cleaned up. The family supper that once was, now ceased to exist.
"Hello, is anyone home?...Mom? Dad?"
There was no reply.
She walked down the hall and snoring reached her ears.
Her stomache ached in hunger.
She slowly made her way to her room and layed down on her bed.
A single tear slid down her cheek.
Her room was pitch black and she stared into the darkness.
"I had such a great time tonight Mom! The movie was great and everyone showed up! We sat in the very front row. It hurt my neck a little. We had a blast though! How was your night Mom?" she whispered to noone.
All that could be heard was the sound of faint snoring.
She stared again into the darkness. Looking at noone. Searching for answers.
She rolled on to her side, kicked off her shoes and closed her eyes.
She knew. She had for a while. She would always be alone in this world. She would always have this hurt inside. The feeling of being nothing. She tried her best to fight the pain, as if fighting it would make things all better. Inside she knew the truth.
She opened her eyes and stared into the darkness that was and will always be her life.
A single tear fell down her cheek.
A little girl began to cry..

Daughters

Whoa! I havent posted in a while. I havent been home in 3 days. Its been pretty hectic.
I have a new obsession with JOHN MAYER!!! He is amazing!! His lyrics are beautiful!!!! so heres one of my fave songs by him right now:
PS! I wont be posting for a while bcuz im grounded from my computer....BAH

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
She's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth from
A woman's good, good heart
On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too

-Daughters by John Mayer:):)